There are days when everything goes wrong. When dragging oneself out of bed is the single most difficult action to imagine. The mere thought of proceeding through life and its trials feels like liquid nitrogen trickling down your throat.

And then, their are days when every breath cools with fresh mint and tastes of freshly baked bread. The most violent, wind-ripped rain becomes a thing of magic, for your windshield wipers are in tune with the beat of your music and the steps of those in the streets.

My husband is sending his passport to the Canadian government soon. When he receives it back, his next step into my country will have no time limits attached to them. We will not be slaves to the calender and YVR's international departures wing.

There are many things that have made me happy in the past month. But this, this is life changing.

I love you sweetheart. See you soon.

Hello all!

Today I'll be hanging out at Nicole's work. If you don't know where that is, give me a text (I'll have my phone near me).

Jhayne, if you don't have my number, Andrew, Ryan etc will :D Just ask them. It would be great to see you!

I can't wait to see you all!!!!

-Navster

I'll be visiting the states for a bit before Koe's Yule thinger on Saturday. Andi needs to be somewhere by 1pm so chances are I'll be in the Seattle-ish area before than. Anyone want to visit a loan Canadian? I might need a gluegun at some point. I realized that I really don't have one.

Let me know!

*hugs*

- Navi

Life is good. I haven't had this much good for a long time. Gavin is coming home soon (19 days!!), and we surprised the hell out of him (thank you Kurt). I've met new friends from far away places. I've invited, I've entertained, I've worked, I've slept (well, at least a little bit). There is even some sunshine mixed with the rain to keep the world balanced.

But at the same time, I keep escaping. I submerge myself in guilty pleasures, holing myself up when I could be social. Looking forward to the moments alone, just me and the pages.

I'm realizing how much of an escapist I've become in the last while. Looking forward to books that will push me out of my own world, becoming part of someone else's. Taking on their life, their role. Wish that I could trade places with them, just for a little while. Huddling away in my own imagination, and feeling withdrawal when the stories are over.

I have been worried, anxious, scared of many things, but the two that seem to be most prominent are aging (mentally, physically I'm less concerned about) for I never want to lose the worlds that children create, and missing an experience. I want to do everything, all at the same time. It tears me apart knowing that I will never be able to do all I want to. It feels like such a waste. Too many choices, not enough time. 

So I harbor it all, and read a book so I may experience the worlds I could never have in the first place.

Now, I simply need to merge the two; enjoy what I'm doing, and pull some magic into the mundanity of my life.


I'm headed to the library. I plan to spend a good 3 hours huddled in the kids section. Technically it's for work, but I won't fool myself. I want to be there...

It's been a long, long road. But there is the chance, that by the middle of October, this place may feel more like a refuge than an enemy camp. Don't get me wrong, I really like the place, but until I'm able to put my own finishing touches, I will never be comfortable in it.

Three weeks.

That is how long I hope everything takes. I doubt it, but this is the quiet time before work ramps up and I begin to shut down for winter. Not that I'll be hermitting or anything, but I want a place I can bring people in and make them feel comfortable too.

I'm working on it Hestia...

There are many things to do. I want to do all of them and none of them at the same time.

My house is a mess, but it's the good kind of mess. It's similar to the mess that happens when you take something apart to figure out why it won't work and invariably when you put it back together, there a few pieces left over but so long as it work who's counting right? Slowly but surely it will reconstruct itself, though I company during the process would be appreciated.

I'm thinking about cooking tomorrow. I have a large slab of salmon my father caught a little while ago. It needs to be cooked soon and I plan to dig out my Papa's gifted little Hibachi (sp?) and try my best shot at making tasty-fish tomorrow after I get home from work around eight. If anyone wants to come help me make something to accompany it, I would love to have you.

Gavin isn't here. It's strange coming home to an empty house and that being something that should be considered "normal". I don't think I like it very much. It's cold in here, an empty kind of cold. It might warm up but I think it will first require some paint (which I will drain from the blood of my landlord if I must...)

I had lunch with my father today. It was really good for change. No lectures or complaints, just a lot of talk about hunting and shooting. I think I'm going to trek up to Harrison two Sundays from now and learn where the safety is and what the kick feels like. I still can/can't believe I didn't go fishing with him this year...

Anyway. My ramblings end here. Good night everyone, and in some cases, good morning.

I keep forgetting that this place exists on the internet.

Gavin has reminded me. I can't believe I missed it.

I have the most lovely husband ever.

The paper work is almost complete.

I don't want him to go anywhere.

I want him to stay.

Soon.

I have the Wedding Pics I took right

Here!


I have raw files if you want to get any of them printed...


On another note...

Yes I am alive! Life has been stressful but I am alive.

I'm getting married. Every time I tell myself this it sinks in a little more. Plans are being made, people are RSVPing, and I only have 11.43 days until I finally can kiss my fiances for the first time. It has been seven long months and soon that time will be over. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I just want to see his face again, smiling at me. Then I will be ok and nothing will matter more to me.

*Watches the clock tick*

RayRay is pounding meat.



That is all.

For the few people who may have heard and be worried:

Tim, Rick, and I were almost in a car accident. We were undamaged (car included) but the other guy's car wasn't. The other driver wasn't hurt, but he decided it was a good idea to try to run a stale yellow light. Bad idea.

We are currently safe in Portland, happily watching the 4th Harry Potter movie in a lovely Bed and Breakfast.

*hugs to everyone*

Dearest Friends and Family;

It is with great pleasure and immense excitement that Gavin and I announce our Engagement.

After much discussion, we have decided that getting married will be the best way for us to begin our lives together and will aid us in finally managing to live in the same country again. We will be having a very small signing ceremony at the end of July with our close friends and family, and waiting a few years to have our big wedding when we are more properly established and able to throw an awesome party!

In the mean time, Gavin and I will host a smaller event so that we may see everyone and celebrate this wonderful occasion which will take place shorty after we sign our marriage certificate. We'll update you when we know exact dates.

Thank you to everyone for your amazing support throughout our relationship. You have no idea how much you all mean to us.

Best wishes,

Nicki and Gavin

So it was a toss up between a few different names. Then I read this on wikipedia:


The collective noun for a group of goldfish is a "troubling".


So, with out further adieu, these are the two new members of the family:





Phobos is the embodiment of fear and horror in Greek mythology.

In Greek mythology, Deimos was the personification of dread.

I was given two gold fish for Christmas!!

And they need names.

There are two, a red one and a gold one, the red one tends to lead and the gold one follows him around a bunch.

I'm thinking I want to give them Greek names.

Any ideas?

I have lost my voice.


I hope it comes back before Sunday...

Life is providing some interesting obstacles and changes lately. Nothing major but a distinct disturbance from the usual ebb and flow of my life. And I'm slowly discovering that not all disturbances are bad.

Gavin will be leaving for Ireland around January 7th. I've had more time with him than I ever could have dreamed of when he first arrived and I am so incredibly thankful that his stay has lasted this long. And, the best part is, that I know I will be ok. It is a feeling that has been one of the most stabilizing factors in my life while everything else is flinging itself against the walls of my skull. I will also be able to spend Christmas with Gavin and that means a great deal to me.

Tim and I are planning a road trip. It will probably cost 600 or with all expenses included. The plan is to visit some friends in Salt Lake City, visit the salt flats, and have a small, affordable, five day vacation from life that will help us both ground and relax.

Work has picked up (4.5 days this week!), and I might be able to afford a few presents for my family at Christmas. My second job has been an Apollo/Hermes-send, and though it makes for some long days, I really enjoy teaching my Korean students (and it pays $20 and hour!). It has been the glue allowed me to pay rent.

Now I need to force myself to go swimming, take some pictures with Gav's camera,and do some sewing. My lack of motivation has become irksome and I need to figure a way out of it. At the very least, I have managed to memorized my monologue and now have a week to give it a style and actually act it instead of merely reciting words. It is always the hardest part for me because I feel like an idiot.

Well, that's about it for me. If you managed to read this whole thing and I commend you. Feel free to call me and, due to having weekends off, maybe I can come visit you for an evening or two and I can find out how you are doing. (Perhaps we'll share a bottle of wine...).

Take care everyone.

So I'm a tad late, but that surprises no one!

All of us have had 2 weeks. Most of us have had a tad more. Stories, good or bad, are written (I hope!).

How did it go?

I'm up, way too early. The phone didn't even ring. If it had, I would be making some money. But I'm not, so now what...

Sewing and memorizing a script are in order today. Apparently, so is posting to live journal. The weekend is going to be awesome and I am truly happy (finally!!).

On another note, I've started a writing project. You pick five cards from a deck. Each card has something written on it that must be included, somehow, into the story. You have two weeks to write the story in style you like unless some joker tells you otherwise. If you're interested (even if you live far away... cards can be drawn for you), let me know. The fun is in reading the stories afterward.

Ps. Thank you Michael!

Gavin has told me time and time again (in the last month), everything is going to work out ok. Secretly, in the dark, cobwebbed cavern at the back of my mind, a shriveled disbeliever muttered curses causing acid worries to slowly line the floor of my brain. Yet despite the occasional breakdown, I'm still here, I have food, and friends, I can pay rent...

I have much to be thankful for at the moment. My teaching days (yes I get to play teacher again this afternoon!), are interspersed with days of rake-hoe-rake, and digging holes to fill in with fresh soil and flowers, colored but more-then-pink sunburn. Gavin, after some sleuthing, has discovered that he is able to stay in Canada for up to six months which is the best news I've heard since "We'd like to have you on as a TOC". I'm not starving, in fact, being a little low on money is actually helping force me to cook well instead of just cook. I'm even slowly stocking my kitchen.

Speaking of such things, if you have any good recipes that you love, please send them my way... Maybe we can works something out for the exchange?

I got a phone call last night, around 9:30. I actually listened to the message around 10:30.

It was my first call in as a TOC (Teacher On Call).

I worked a full day today. It wasn't a normal day, in fact it was quite abnormal to what i should expect, but it was still a full day of work non the less.

I'm actually a teacher, and I love it.

So we made it back from burning man. It was interesting. I won't say it was amazing because I didn't think it was, BUT at the same time I was prepared for things in the wrong way and came upon a few shocks that threw me off and left me to reajust (something that I can have problems with when blindsided by it).

Plans for next year are already being hashed out which, after some simple math, sound like they might be possible. It might completely change around my year, but then again, nothing in the next year has been anywhere close to certain and therefore I can't be too disappointed.

I had a few revilations and several good times. Now there is a thin layer of playa embedded in my skin that will eventually work its alkaline self and a few things that I need to work through.

I am now, very officially, more than broke, and will be for a (fingers crossed) short time which means that I would love to see you and I think I have a bunch of tea that could be used up, so come visit me and we will have an amazing conversation. Aka, I'm virtually under self imposed house arrest therefore come see me, the only exception being a possible october sin city in which some of my lovely Americans will be coming up to join me in.

A final note: 

I'M FINALLY A TEACHER!!!!!!!!!!    Now all I need is a phonecall and a classroom (even for just a day!).

Talk to you soon I hope.

navi.


PS. CONGRATS G and Eric!!! (he does exist!)